My journey- is it yours too?

Have you ever felt guilty after eating something "unhealthy"?  Do you feel like you have to restrict foods you eat or eat very little to maintain your body weight?

This is how I felt on a daily basis.  One day, (Wednesday, August 3^rd 2011) I stopped the madness and started listening to and trusting my body.

What happened on August 3^rd, 2011 that triggered this change?  A big realization that's taken me years to grasp.

I was adjusting a patient I’d never seen before.  When I first met him, this notoriously grumpy old man said, “Boy, you’re a hefty girl!  Where are you from?”  For whatever reason, this bothered me to the point of near insanity.  I told a co-worker what he said expecting a reaction and got nothing back.  I sent a text massage to my husband, telling him I was immediately going on a diet.  Later that night we ended up getting into an argument because I just continued to talk about it.  I literally couldn't figure out what "hefty" meant, but pictures of a large overfilled garbage back kept popping into my head with the chant "Hefty, Hefty, Hefty!".  Maybe hefty was a nice word back in the 1930s when he was born?  Either way, I was miserable.

I, like an incredible number of women and some men, have tiptoed around my weight since I was young.  I was only once a thin girl, and that was for a short amount of time.  I've always been athletic and at times chubby, and as a ballet dancer and swimmer never heard the end of "losing that extra fat".  My years of food deprivation and restriction, all based on "hard scientific facts", had left me miserable and with the belief that my body was too dumb to keep itself looking great and healthy.  I mean, my #1 hobby has been reading new studies on weight loss, muscle building, superfoods, and what makes us fat/sick for the last decade.

After arguing with my husband about something he had nothing to do with for 30 minutes, I realized I had a problem.  I only ate to properly nourish my body when I didn't think it would make me fat.  In fact, I picked up a coffee habit because I thought it would help me burn more fat before a run/weight training session.  I made it through college and most of graduate school with no coffee, with the exception of a strong cup before a run..  I used to chug a warm cup (and hated the taste of it) in hopes it it would make me skinny.  Ridiculous.
My husband, being the wonderful man he is, supported me despite my obnoxious yelling at him for no good reason.  He even helped me realize that it was time to start trusting my body, focusing on listening to hunger and craving signals.  Brilliant, that man.  :)

This is my new lifestyle.  I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full, and eat whatever sounds good.  (By the way, if you have a dog and leave a food bowl out for him you'll notice they're professionals at this and are always happy to teach you if you'll watch.)  I'm lucky enough to love vegetables, like fruit, and know I need protein during that day.  I also know that anytime I can eat a meal of mostly vegetables and a smaller amount of grain, I feel better- these are great starting points for me.

I don't calorie count.  I don't cut out any food group.  I listen.

It's great to say in absolutes that "I'm all good now, no reason to work hard" when it comes to eating, but I'm breaking down decades of a really really bad habit.  I'm writing about my journey to learning to trust and listen to my body again.  There are millions of people in this world that would benefit immensely from this one shift, and hopefully I can reach some through my writing.  An enormous weight has already been lifted from my head already- I can't wait to see how much more amazing my life will be 1 month, 2 months, or a year from now.  I'm an open book, and I know this is something I need to share with others.

What is your relationship with food?  Is it a struggle, a blessing, or a curse?  Do you believe you can just listen to your body and stay healthy, or is this world too hard for humans to live in now?

I'd love your feedback!