San Diego

First off, San Diego is a rockin city. My husband and I spent our first Anniversary here a couple weekends ago. Highlights included: walking all over the city in many different parks (Balboa, Safari, and along the water), an awesome pub called the Tipsy Crow with a cool Wall Street style alcohol exchange (prices of drinks literally change before your eyes dependant on how many drinks are purchased), and the AMAZING Mexican food.

Anyone the knows me, knows very very well the I have a massive affinity for Mexican food. So much so, that my husband and I ate or every night for dinner. I really wish I had taken more pictures the first two nights.. But I do have pictures from our anniversary dinner ( a gift from my sister-in-law). By the way, if you ever find yourself in San Diego, make sure you get you butt over to Candela's on the Bay on Coronado Island. It is incredible food, a gorgeous view of the bay and San Diego, and the service is top notch. Our server, Dan, actually brought out his own private port wine and chocolates for us to enjoy at dinner after I asked him for a glass of Pinot grigio with my dessert. I hadn't realized the Pinot isn't the best wine with dessert, so he simply brought us two glasses of port for no charge, along with chocolates he personally carries with him and said "You'll probably enjoy this much more than the Pinot, but please let me know what you think!". Needless to say, he was right and now we're hooked on the butterscotch/toffee port he served. If you come to our place for dinner, you'll probably be served port after from here on. :)

With conscious eating as my new and permanent habit, I got to thinking how this trip might have gone if I was still following my guilt ridden, food restricting life of the past...

First things first: I ate waaaayyyyy too much our first night and paid for it the next morning (but those handmade corn tortillas, fresh guacamole, and amazing 3 cups of salsa were worth it!). This is something to be very thankful for. I didn't listen to my body, and it told me the next day.
The following day, I ate much less... We actually (as we often do when travelling to the US) only ate 2 meals. If you've lived in Canada for a while, or most places in the world- portion sizes are insane in the States. They often provide me with 2 full meals- nice if you have a fridge. Annoying with no fridge and if you have the voice of a grandma who lived through the Great Depression telling you to finish you plate or you're being ungrateful. ( no, grandma- I'm f'ing full!).
So, my body basically just dealt with the fact that I ate plenty the day before and didn't need as much.  (Not a big deal for someone who normally eats like this, but a huge deal for someone previously living as an Obsessive Compulsive Eater).

Second: I decided everyday what I would eat based on what really sounded good.  Of course, I didn't eat a ton of sugar, and I don't eat dairy- so that did limit my choices.  The cool thing is, once I stopped obsessing about how many carbs I was eating, I naturally chose the healthier more nutritious options.
On our anniversary, I chose a vegetarian entree.  In the past I would have obsessed over getting enough protein, thinking it would trip out my blood sugar.  The veggie entree (literally a garden of cooked veggies) made me feel fantastic.  More importantly, I felt nourished and well treated.

So, first weekend officially not freaking out about everything put into my mouth (assuming it would stick to my thighs)?  Big win!

My journey- is it yours too?

Have you ever felt guilty after eating something "unhealthy"?  Do you feel like you have to restrict foods you eat or eat very little to maintain your body weight?

This is how I felt on a daily basis.  One day, (Wednesday, August 3^rd 2011) I stopped the madness and started listening to and trusting my body.

What happened on August 3^rd, 2011 that triggered this change?  A big realization that's taken me years to grasp.

I was adjusting a patient I’d never seen before.  When I first met him, this notoriously grumpy old man said, “Boy, you’re a hefty girl!  Where are you from?”  For whatever reason, this bothered me to the point of near insanity.  I told a co-worker what he said expecting a reaction and got nothing back.  I sent a text massage to my husband, telling him I was immediately going on a diet.  Later that night we ended up getting into an argument because I just continued to talk about it.  I literally couldn't figure out what "hefty" meant, but pictures of a large overfilled garbage back kept popping into my head with the chant "Hefty, Hefty, Hefty!".  Maybe hefty was a nice word back in the 1930s when he was born?  Either way, I was miserable.

I, like an incredible number of women and some men, have tiptoed around my weight since I was young.  I was only once a thin girl, and that was for a short amount of time.  I've always been athletic and at times chubby, and as a ballet dancer and swimmer never heard the end of "losing that extra fat".  My years of food deprivation and restriction, all based on "hard scientific facts", had left me miserable and with the belief that my body was too dumb to keep itself looking great and healthy.  I mean, my #1 hobby has been reading new studies on weight loss, muscle building, superfoods, and what makes us fat/sick for the last decade.

After arguing with my husband about something he had nothing to do with for 30 minutes, I realized I had a problem.  I only ate to properly nourish my body when I didn't think it would make me fat.  In fact, I picked up a coffee habit because I thought it would help me burn more fat before a run/weight training session.  I made it through college and most of graduate school with no coffee, with the exception of a strong cup before a run..  I used to chug a warm cup (and hated the taste of it) in hopes it it would make me skinny.  Ridiculous.
My husband, being the wonderful man he is, supported me despite my obnoxious yelling at him for no good reason.  He even helped me realize that it was time to start trusting my body, focusing on listening to hunger and craving signals.  Brilliant, that man.  :)

This is my new lifestyle.  I eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full, and eat whatever sounds good.  (By the way, if you have a dog and leave a food bowl out for him you'll notice they're professionals at this and are always happy to teach you if you'll watch.)  I'm lucky enough to love vegetables, like fruit, and know I need protein during that day.  I also know that anytime I can eat a meal of mostly vegetables and a smaller amount of grain, I feel better- these are great starting points for me.

I don't calorie count.  I don't cut out any food group.  I listen.

It's great to say in absolutes that "I'm all good now, no reason to work hard" when it comes to eating, but I'm breaking down decades of a really really bad habit.  I'm writing about my journey to learning to trust and listen to my body again.  There are millions of people in this world that would benefit immensely from this one shift, and hopefully I can reach some through my writing.  An enormous weight has already been lifted from my head already- I can't wait to see how much more amazing my life will be 1 month, 2 months, or a year from now.  I'm an open book, and I know this is something I need to share with others.

What is your relationship with food?  Is it a struggle, a blessing, or a curse?  Do you believe you can just listen to your body and stay healthy, or is this world too hard for humans to live in now?

I'd love your feedback!